HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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