I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize