mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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