Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
