i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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