TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
