I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
