Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize