you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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