She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
