Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
