I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Everything about him screamed your future.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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