i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
