sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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