One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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