Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
