are you still at the devil's house?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
