your parents love me but you hate me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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