I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
