coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
