Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
