think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
