OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
