I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
