You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
