Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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