all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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