Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
