if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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