were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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