I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
