Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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