We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
