mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Alive.
So much puke
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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