4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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