Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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