This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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