I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize