I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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