Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
