I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
