I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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