he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
