the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
