Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize