Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
