yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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