Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so explain again why im purple
no
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She's like a pop up book from hell.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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