If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How's work?
Spinning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
