i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
