Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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