Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
