You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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