My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
