we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We need to get me chipped asap
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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