I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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