I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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