Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Let's get the cat blown out
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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