The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
