I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
