its not stalking. its research.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
