Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ladies don't puke and tell
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
