Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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