I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Randomize
