How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Randomize
