so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize