member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
