I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
