Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
