4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
