I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
