if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
