i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
