The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
