You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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