Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
