Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize