I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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