what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
