shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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