he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
