It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
