he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
