so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
