im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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