Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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