dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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