I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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