how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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