the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
