Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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