Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
