If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
