how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
