Apparently you make a good broom.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
