I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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