I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
