someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
