He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
