I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
