My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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