I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I want to fling myself into the sun
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
